At some point I understood that I had not left the hamster wheel.
I had built myself a new one.
A better one.
One I had designed myself.
With better materials. With a nicer view. With quieter bearings.
And above all with the reassuring certainty that I could leave it at any time.
But I do not leave it.
I adjust. I improve. I change little things that nobody but me would notice.
I turn screws that have no names.
Ever finer. Ever more precise.
Infinitesimal calculus has an honest language for this.
You can approach a goal infinitely without ever reaching it.
The limit exists. But you yourself do not reach it.
There is always a difference. A remainder. A distance between what is and what could be.
That used to trouble me. Today it calms me.
Because it means there is no final step.
No point at which everything is finished.
No moment when one can say: now I have arrived.
Life is not a place. It is an approach.
And perhaps that is exactly why I keep going.
Not in order to arrive, but to keep approaching.
