ArcaNuova · Age · Freedom · Self-respect
With Age, the Ability to Adapt Does Not Decline
Adaptation can be maturity. It can also become the habit of carrying one’s own life against oneself.
Sometimes it is not the ability to adapt that declines with age
It is the willingness to bend unnecessarily.
I used to think adaptation was maturity.
Today I believe that sometimes it is not the ability to adapt that declines with age, but the willingness to bend unnecessarily.
That sounds defiant. Perhaps it is a little. But mostly it is tired.
A person spends decades carrying responsibility, professions, relationships and expectations; building systems, absorbing other people’s mistakes and correcting himself.
At some point the question appears:
Does it still carry my life? Or am I the only one still carrying it?
This question is dangerous because it does not refer only to cars, obligations or insurance. It also refers to roles, conversations, habits and sometimes people.
At seventy, one does not clear out the cellar. One clears out obligations.
Some things remain. Dogs, for example.
Time decides about people. Not one bad month, one argument, one screenshot, one cigarette or one missed phone call.
Time is unpleasantly thorough. It shows what carries and what was merely carried.
I have learned that not every feeling deserves an immediate decision. Loneliness today is not necessarily loneliness tomorrow. Anger today need not become action today. Sadness may be weather, not climate.
Feelings get a voice, but not automatically the government. Reason does not always win, but at least there is negotiation.
Perhaps maturity does not mean having no feelings. It means listening to them without having to obey at once.
And perhaps loyalty does not always mean staying forever. Perhaps loyalty means honestly examining what one still carries out of love and what only out of habit.
I no longer run after doors.
If one opens, I will look.
And if not, the garden is beautiful too.
